Human Numan?
Well all those non-numanoids who thought Gary was still his early-style unsmiling automaton had a surprise last night at the concert. None of us believe anyway that he is in that style, since we've been monitoring the warmth of the man each time we've seen him perform live. No I'm thinking of those parts of the press, or the uninitiated out there who still scorn when you say you're seeing a Numan gig. 'Cars - da-da-da-daa' is the bit people always say to you. How you wish you had a copy of Crazier or Hybrid's Bleed on you to play them when they say that. Still, little by little these people are diminishing - or are we increasing or becoming thicker skinned?
I was wondering how Gary and Gemma's great news that they're expecting to be parents in a few weeks would affect this show. I had not seen his website in advance and so like the others around me I wasn't aware of his news. We knew he had to mention something somehow. And sure enough, after a few tracks he paused to give us his customary few words and seemed to say that if he said too much then he'd lose it. And then he said 'I'm a Dad!!!' and then did a series of exultant celebratory slightly non-Numan the artist but very much Numan-the-man poses as he couldn't contain his excitement any longer. It was great. Speaking as someone in (any day now) exactly the same boat I knew where he was coming from. My hand was one of those held up in joy too as everyone clapped and cheered as much as if they've just heard the greatest track ever. This was a moment to savour - to see someone you've followed over twenty five years or so sharing his happiness with the people who've helped keep him in the situation he finds himself in now.
With all the street credibility he now has it's the Numan fans who've kept the faith and bought his output over all the years that have helped him return to the limelight - but a critically-acclaimed limelight rather than a poppy shallow limelight. It's the people who've seen the depth of the man that have kept the faith. And he has rewarded us with his best material in years. But chiefly, before we think we're all the reason we must not delude ourselves. His musical style and quality now is as a result of himself doing what he feels naturally. Influences such as Kipper and a desire to hit the pop charts have subsided in favour of the type of common sense advice that Gemma gave him to rediscover himself. Sacrifice, Exile and Pure are a testament to this new Numan.
Now with the birth of Raven then he has a completeness - the one thing that has eluded them has happened. It's difficult to phrase exactly what I mean here, but as I said earlier - I am in the same boat myself. After many attempts at IVF all failures there is to be a birth. Naturally, as it happens. All the heartache and emotional torment of these failures is swept aside in great new feelings of hope as a birth is imminent. Gary and Gemma? Well, yes, but also Ashley and Lynette. I stood at the concert in London last night, snapping away at odd moments, whilst occasionally checking my mobile for 'the call'. The same call I hope to get whilst I am at work - or hopefully a nudge in the night or a look in the day. The due date for us was yesterday - the 21st, and when people said to me 'why are you going to a concert when your wife is due to give birth?' I toyed with the idea of saying to them what it means going to a Numan concert, but then I copped out I'm afraid and said that I could easily dash from the venue and be at my wife's side holding her hand within an hour or two - i.e. no different from being at work! Lynette was fine about it (before you all email me!) and we knew that I wouldn't have gone if things had seemed imminent!!
Many people find things to identify themselves with their particular heroes / rock gods / film stars / call them what you will. I'm sure a lot of Numan fans find their common ground. It's amazing how many like planes or the same sci-fi or book interests, or share the same tailor or hairstylist! But we want to. Look how many people slavishly watch Pop Idol or football. Maybe we all need people to identify with or to follow. Look at me with this website - there's times when I think 'why bother' since all I can offer is concert photos which inherently look the same to the uninitiated or casual viewer - or my usual inane chatter when I can't think of what to put on the site. But then I think why I should bother. Hopefully I am giving my perspective on being a Numan fan - or is it just a philosophy on life sometimes? Seems like it today! I'm trying to share my great interest in the man and his music. I don't care if an album is late but I appreciate the extras we all get - like 'The Aircrash Bureau' or a new track when you know he was occupied with expectant events. If I can put across to people just some of the positives of being a fan without being negative, or conversely being obsequeous or over-fan-ny (I had to hyphenate fan-ny there as I don't think the word FANNY is one we want on this site - although it did look quite good just then). Oh yes, and try a bit of humour on occasions, although I shall never rival the Outland-ish styles of our Antipodean chums.
But I digress, my own sense of identification has been enhanced with all this baby palava. The ups and downs of this pregnancy have usefully been annotated by my friends and work colleagues. People always asking about how things are - which is great and welcome but sometimes tiring. I can only imagine it'll get more intense should things have a happy conclusion, which I hope for naturally, superstition permitting. And then we'll get all the things that Gary was saying on his site about well-intentioned parents wanting to share everything with you - I'm sure someone somewhere has frozen and preserved in a frame 'his first poo' - save me from these people. So there again I've identified with the man and not just his music. Following someone for a couple of decades, and chatting on occasions with him gives us all a supposed insight into the man, but it's all based on internet words, television interviews and a few conversations stretched over all this time. And yet for many of us this has shaped our lives. People we've met and married by virtue of liking his music. I don't quite fall into that camp - I like most of you have other interests, possibly as esoteric to the outside world such as film-making & Doctor Who, but undoubtably Gary's music and personality have been there throughout the past 25 years or so, and I wouldn't like to say if I've been influenced and in what. But's it's an association and an interest I am intensely proud of.
Thinking about it, he's influenced me already in the last week or so. I was reticent to put something on my website about my hopeful fatherhood. I saw Gary's webpage announcement and thought I'd do the same. But copying it would unwittingly take the mickey but I wanted to share my news with my Numan friends in the same way. So I hope he would have forgiven me for it! I'm no celebrity (despite my once having 13 million viewers on BBC1 and being available on video, hee hee), but I wanted to tell people! I was happy. It's a great emotion and one I perhaps don't show too much. Anyway, as it turned out I kept each sentence of his that I agreed with myself, and found the end result pretty much the same. But then at the end of the day it was a fun way to announce my news to my circle, although perhaps my superstitions remain
Maybe because he's doing what we'd all like to do? The rockstar thing is quite a powerful draw as a lifestyle. Unlike all the Pop Idol viewing kids we have an advantage. We see Gary in his pop/rock star guise but from following him over the years and seeing or reading of his ups and downs we have seen something of the man behind the faade. We don't see the rockstar thing as some great pedestal - we see the mix of that as well as the man behind. And when he gives us those glimpses of the happiness he feels from something that can happen to us all - the joy of a new life, that glimpse into his domestic happiness - he shows us that these are the things that matter in life. The rockgod thing is an illusion - one we all enjoy and take part in then it comes along. But life is happening behind the scenes, with all it's highs and lows. He's largely shielded us from the lows - his natural privacy and our respect for that have let those things motor on and take their natural private course, but on occasion we've seen those at the concerts - his difficulty in singing 'Little InVitro' an example. And now understandably he couldn't hold back from sharing the ultimate high with us. Naturally we felt for him and wish them both the best for the future.
For those moments at the concert yesterday in London Astoria 21st September 2003 Gary showed us again the very Human Numan.
Ashley X